I’ve lived apart from my son for most of his life, so why is he so much like me?
I’m not sure how my son turned out to be so much like his mother. I wasn’t around in person for a great deal of his life. From the time Joey turned 8 and I moved up to Boston – the only place I could find a job while child support arrears and credit card debit were steadily growing – until he turned 21 and went into a residential program for disabled adults, I was non-residential mom AND a long distance parent.
And yes, I drove a lot. I actually saw him quite a bit.
But despite all that driving, I missed a lot of my son’s life. Joey was a different kid every time I saw him, even when it was only a couple weeks between visits. I’d come down for Thanksgiving and when I returned for Christmas, he’d be a size larger. Or, as he got closer to adolescence – the bane of even a long distance parent’s existence, trust me – his voice would be an octave lower.
It was also little things I missed. When I moved in January 2010, Thomas the Tank Engine was Joey’s favorite show. When I saw him again that March it was Star Wars The Clone Wars. I’d pick him up from his after school program, check his backpack, and find a report card I’d missed. I wasn’t there for school plays and band performances. I did send my parents, or my ex would sit with his phone on in the auditorium so I could listen, but it wasn’t the same.
I didn’t know my son liked museums until his 8th Grade Teacher told me on the class field trip to Washington, DC (which I chaperoned. Brilliant, except for the sound of 60 teenagers on a tiny school bus talking endlessly for 8 hours).
I did call every day. And in 2015, Joey got an iPad mini and with it, FaceTime, so I saw him a lot more.
Well, I saw him when he wanted to see me. Long distance or not, I was officially the mother of a surly teenager who didn’t like to answer his phone, much less his tablet.
As that crab in The Little Mermaid said, “Teenagers man!”
